A Dog’s Blog
BY GINNY STONE
Apart from writing books, which would make me famous and wealthy (they haven’t yet), it was always my dream to write a column in a newspaper. A funny one. Something that people would look forward to each week. This dream finally came true when I pitched a column to the local rag and they loved it. A Dog’s Blog was born. Yes. You’ve guessed it. The column was to be “written” by the most adorable basset hound that ever existed.
Early on, I learnt about mixing up the length of sentences. From short to long ones, to those in-between. And I became proficient in writing Doglish. The family thought I’d gone mad.
Then the second column appeared, and a darling old lady sent a letter to the editor asking where she could buy the book. After that, no-one thought I was crazy anymore. People who came to visit us would wait with bated breath to see if they appeared in the column the following week. Often, they did.
As life would have it, within the first year, said adorable dog turned out to be an inbred rogue. He nipped my mother. My husband’s colleagues offered him large sums of money to borrow the dog. It would seem that mothers-in-law are not popular. But the joke was on us when he bit my mother again and she landed up in hospital having a skin graft. The most adorable basset hound in the world sadly ceased to exist; we could not risk him hurting anybody else. (My mother has since been bitten by other dogs and it turns out she has an unstable personality as far as canines are concerned.)
The town’s residents mourned the passing of our cheeky mutt, but thought the blog should continue. After all, we had another dog. So, I mopped my tears and Skunk the flying Punk, a gangly mutt of indeterminate breed, took over the helm.
Yet life saw fit to deal another whammy. Mere months later, darling Skunk contracted some rare disease and came to a sticky end.
That’s it! I stomped my foot firmly down. There aren’t any dogs left to blog.
The editor of the newspaper rallied, “But you still have the cat, don’t you?”
Indeed we did. Looseyfur, the little red devil, turned out to be a dab hand at writing the blog. Catlish was added to my repertoire.
A few weeks later I was reading Looseyfur’s blog in the Springs Advertiser when I noticed an advert for a teensy brown, corgi-type puppy at the Animal Rescue Centre. She was balanced precariously on death row. I looked at my husband, “You love corgis, don’t you?” He rolled his eyes and told me to go and collect the dog.
So it came to pass that Fudge and Fur shared the writing of the column for the next seven years.
Using different sentence lengths was a hallmark of the column’s style. Short, powerful sentences. Longer, garrulous, waffling ones for when Fudgie got older and started having epileptic fits. I would read each blog aloud to see if it flowed. Did it sound like music, or was it flat and boring? Stilted?
Fans around the world mourned and left messages for Fudge on her Facebook page when she finally leapt onto the Rainbow Ridge. “We love and miss you Fudgie-wena.”
“But… what about me? Fudge is gone. She was my precious dog. I’m the one who’s been writing these columns.” I wept and howled to the heavens.
The whimsical, quirky, loveable dog from the blog was adored by many. But it was my style of writing that brought our gorgeous rescue pooch to life.
After all, dogs cannot blog!
About the author
Ginny Stone, a hybrid author, has been scribbling for a large portion of her life.
She’s had fourteen storybooks for children published and strongly believes that changing the mind-set of the next generation is going to help save the earth. Empowering children, one page at a time is her passion.
When not writing, she designs educational games, posters, cartoon strips, does other bits of creative meddling and can often be found fiddling around in the garden.
Ginny shares her life with her lovely husband Chris, 85-year-old mum, three 20-something kids, two crazy cats and a neurotic sausage dog!
Read posts from a ‘Dog’s Blog’ here:
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/768985
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/770515
Ginny is the May 2019 winner of the My Writing Journey Competition.
